For those of you in the know, the thought of bondage can often conjures images of whips, double locking handcuffs and beautiful black leather in all forms of gags, leashes, collars and more! For those who don’t know (*smile* ) prepare to be informed and titillated as we envelope you into a world of erotic play and sublime sensuality. Bondage is not just about ropes, gags and handcuffs, it’s about so much more. It’s about bringing playfulness back into sex. But first we will begin with a few beginner topics about bondage or BDSM.
BDSM represents bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism; however, I personally like to think it stands for Beautiful Delicious Sexual Madness. If you’re looking for a sexual change—and a hell of a way to turn your lover on—then exploring the world of BDSM is definitely a road to consider.
While this may sound a bit daunting if you have never played, BDSM or bondage can open up avenues of mind-blowing erotically charged sexual pleasure. I describe BDSM in two ways: light and heavy. Personally, I’m into a little (okay, a lot) of both. Since this article is for bondage newbies out there looking to get their toes (and other things) wet, I’m going to go into a bit of light BDSM that will get you started. So clear your mind of physically torturous sexual positions and spiked paddles; those don’t come until later and that is only after you have passed initiation. (I’m just kidding!) Maybe….
To start with there are two roles of BDSM: the dominant (person in charge) and the submissive (person who obeys the former) . These roles are often referred to as Doms and subs, or you can also use Master and Slave for a more erotic twist. Either of these sexual roles can be filled by men or women. There is no right or wrong when it comes to bondage. If you are domiant female and enjoy having a submissive lover, then bring that role into your fantasy sexy play. If you are a domain male and enjoy the company of an adoring slave, then take those rolls. Go with whatever feels most natural and erotic for you. And as in everything in life, you need to talk about it first with your partner to clearly define your roles.
Once you have defined your bondage roles into Submissive and Dominant, you can begin the erotic play *que the gong* If you are a first time sub, you have only one job: Obey. Your. Dom. Show respect; tell your Dom what you like. Disobedience is punishable (although this in itself can be fun). Never go outside of your comfort zone, and make sure that those are set up in advance. Always have a Safe word (Link to safeword article) in place and make sure you use it if it anytime you are feeling uncomfortable. Bondage is about erotic sex play and about making sex even more pleasurable and enjoyable. Your partner may push your boundaries but it is important to make sure that you always feel comfortable and safe in any sexual situation; be it bondage or otherwise.
Now, for you first time Doms, get ready to give your new bondage slave an erotically delicious good time! One of the most basic forms of BDSM is tying your partner up (B stands for bondage, hello?! ). In the beginning, I recommend using soft sensual items which are non-threatening like erotic silk scarves or neck ties. You create a wonderful playtime for your slave by just doing something as simple as tying your partner to the bedpost or even just binding them, inhibiting use of hands and feet.
To many BDSM fans (including myself) being tied up just isn’t complete without erotic act of being blindfolded. This is where the heat really starts to build; being in complete control is a major turn on for the dom, whereas being completely vulnerable to every possible sexual intensity builds the adrenaline and excitement for the sub. Remember Dom, once you have your charge blind and bound, there are myriad ways to make them squirm and squeal. Always keep their comfort and safety in mind, but also know htat you are in are charge of the situation and it’s time to make that *magic* happen!
Give your lover an experience they will always remember and cherish as their first bondage experience by giving your sub erotic and sensual sensations. Kiss, lick, and tickle random body parts. Use your hands, tongue, and (ahem) other parts of the body to explore the play thing lying vulnerable in front of you. If you want to get a little wilder, you could also stir up the sexual sensations by dripping a melting ice cube or hot candle wax over the skin of your prisoner and watch them writhe with delight.
To keep true to the master/slave theme, talking dirty is essential. If you’re in charge, tell your partner your plans for them (‘I’m going to make you scream my name’). Likewise, if you’re the sub, tell your dom what a naughty, naughty slave you’ve been (‘Master, I’ve been so bad. I need to be punished’). You get the idea. Doms, if your sub disobeys, give them a couple of nice firm spanks on the ass. That’ll teach that dirty boy/girl how to behave! Just remember, not too hard (unless they ask).
If you’re having trouble deciding what is for you, I suggest trying our bondage checklist. It’s a great way to find out what exactly you and your partner are into and exploring and expanding sexual bondage boundaries. There are also many sex toys you can choose to bring to bed with you. And as always, make sure you have a great lube on hand (or in your hand, or umm….other places). Once you feel comfortable with silk scarves and blindfolds, then you can start moving onto the heavier BDSM stuff—like blindfolds, ballgags, nipple clamps, bondage whips and crops for spanking naughty slaves and more. Remember, the one who dies with the most toys, dies the happiest! At least that is my motto and I think I’ve got you all beat by a about ten thousand square feet! *evil giggle* J
Enjoy this erotic new journey you are on. Bondage isn’t just about sex but it’s also about mind fucking, but in a good way. When you give yourself over to someone, it’s more than just sex, it’s about giving yourself over completely, body, mind and spirit. True domination and true submission are just ways to express your devotion and love (and LUST!) for each other. So, if you start to feel tense, lighten the mood and laugh. Bondage sex is fun and it’s incredibly sexy. Enjoy your new journey oh…and send us a post card when you get to “OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS AMAZING VILLE”. I’ll be waiting… Until then you can always visit me at Sub-Shop.com.